Thursday, May 26, 2011

Convenience Charges

If you are a business which charges a convenience fee, I hate you and will not buy anything from you. I just pulled this from Ticketmaster's website:
It's for upper-deck seats to the Big 4 show in the bronx. I'd like to go, but $123 is a bit much to begin with. The thing that REALLY bothers me is the $11 fee per ticket!

Protip for companies that charge one of these fees: IT'S NO LONGER CONVENIENT IF YOU PUT A GODDAMN FEE ON EACH TICKET I BUY!

It's like if I started selling water but had a clean water policy which entailed me pissing into each bottle.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


This is an easy one, a cop-out, maybe.

A douchebag
If you are a douchebag, I hate you. Any not in the 'haters gonna hate' kind of way. I hate you in the 'I find your very existence appalling' kind of way. No one likes douchebags. I don't like douchebags, you don't like douchebags, douchebags don't like douchebags. These "people" are easy to tell apart from others because of their uniform. The douche uniform is generally as follows:
  • Spiked up hair or maybe a faux hawk of some kind
  • Sickly looking orange skin
  • Over-sized white-rimmed sunglasses
  • Lip gloss
  • Giant fake diamond earrings
  • An Ed Hardy or MMA shirt or wifebeater, possibly with rhinestones
  • Designer jeans, also with rhinestones
  • If in a car, it likely has a 'su-fi' or shocker decal on it, and they will be blasting shitty house music for everyone to enjoy
Notable douchebags include, but are not limited to, Kanye West, the entire cast of Jersey Shore, Carrot Top, just about every politician, Ashton Kutcher, John Mayer, and people who ride loud motorcycles.